i didn't mean to, but i was.
i was cruel without meaning to be, and for that i'm sorry.

thinking about cruelty... a lot of cruelty in life. subtle cruel actions, words, thoughts.

when one wishes one never met another... seems it would be better for the other to never have met that one too. but life is not about our choice now, is it? sometimes we get choices, then yay, good for you. but other times we don't.

。。。 。。。

渐渐我们都有新朋友，多久不再并肩走。
忙忙碌碌看人生匆匆，忘记了以前的梦。
好想回到那年夏天，教室门前，我笑容满面。
拍拍你的头，说，你别哭。
考坏一次不是末日，未来还有很长的路，
我们要一起去看世界。


可是。所以。


今夜星光多美好，适合用寂寞去品调
我们曾用爱互相依靠，
付出多少不用计较。


但因为。所以。


解脱 是肯承认这是个错
我 不应该 还不放手
你有自由走 我有自由好好过

解脱 是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔 我总会实现一个梦
找到给我归宿感和安全感的人

。。。 。。。

活到这么大，但同样的错误一直重复的犯，真的是自讨苦吃，伤人伤己。还好不至于伤了我；其实我受的伤她们根本不知道，或者说，不在乎，不放在心上，比较正确吧。

似乎是，最渴望的，最想要的，一直得不到。我一直追逐，它一直躲藏。是每有人知道它对我的重要，我也曾未清清楚楚说过；她们没了解过我吧。

subtle, cruel, actions.

也许我的假面具很真实？哈哈。
虽然不再像以前那么渴望，但想它，想一切时，也会有难以捉摸的深感触。

以前三个她，现在三个她，好巧阿。

。。。 。。。

twas a special st pats day indeed. correct, yet wrong. reminiscing, but about a different era. ironicism.

serivce medley. colonel john. el toro!!! battlehymm of the republic. paganini variations. folk song suite. glasnost. fame. this old man. persis.

back to the past... the thought of, what would i give, just to experience it all again, to recapture that feeling then, which was taken for granted. who would have known then, that something so ordinary would become so extraordinary? a precious bit of memory, tucked carefully away.

my overwhelming pei-funess of cherlyn and eunice, how they sustained the section. no easy feat for cherlyn, and no breeze for eunice either.

and that adorable batch of juniors... the last batch of us. tragic that it would be from our directs onwards that they changed.

面目全非。

。。。 。。。

just think, if i could have gone with mei... i would be in london again now. just hearing that she was stopping over at paris was like... *flood of memories*

our beginning. =)

and the realization that we were never meant to be that way. except that i didnt want to believe it. wanted to believe i could make it work. it speaks for itself that 2 years on around the same period that feeling still is.

because i need someone who wont cause me to feel that way which i dont want to, because it hurts.

i'm sorry.