why do we torment ourselves? cos we are, right?

actually this is all NO BIG DEAL (capslock to emphasize hahaha) why are we burdened by it... why cant it be released...

but after the emotional outburst comes the acceptance, at least temporarily. there is a reason for everything. only some things will make me run to Him. why do i not run then?

i want to express it, yet i know some things cannot be, and must never be expressed. what is this weird game that we all play, albeit reluctantly? i can never enjoy this. i will prob never understand how some can come to terms with it. why do we indulge in it? its all our fault. we all wear that mask, do we not. we all pretend, we want not the upsetting of the status quo.

is understanding better or not

"it depends"

and then i shrug it off again, and because i know not what i should do, i do nothing.